HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND

First catch him. Many good husbands are spoiled in the cooking. Some women go about it as if their husbands were bladders and blow them up. Others keep them too much in hot water, while others freeze them with icy indifference and freezing coolness. Some smother them with constant conten- tion, hatred and variance, and some keep them in hot pickle all their lives. These women always serve them up with tongue sauce. Now it cannot be supposed that husbands will be tender and palatable if cooked in this way, on the contrary, they are tart, tough and snappish — actually good for nothing. If, however, cooked by the following recipe they are prime and delicious. Get a large jar, called the jar of faithfulness (which all good wives keep on hand), place your husband in it, and set him near the fire of conjugal love, let the fire be pretty hot, but especially let it burn clear, and above all let the heat be constant. Cover him with affectionate kindness and confi- dence, garnished with modest and becoming familiarity and spiced with amiable pleasantry, and if you add a few sweet kisses and other confectionaries, let them be accompanied with sufficient portion of secrecy mixed with prudence and moder- ation. And let the whole conjugal life be seasoned with love and devotional piety. We would advise all good wives to try this recipe and realize what an admirable dish a husband makes when properly and discreetly cooked.

284 MISCELLANEOUS RECIPES.

TOMATOES SERVED FOR LUNCHEONS AND DINNERS IN THE WINTER INSTEAD OF FRESH ONES.

Take one quart can of best tomatoes, put them on and let them come to a boil, then strain through a strainer, and have half a box of Chalmers7 Gelatine dissolved well and pour on the tomatoes. Season only with little salt. Put in moulds the shape of tomatoes, then put on ice ; they will turn out whole and look just like tomatoes. You can then cut them open very carefully, so it will not spoil the looks of the tomatoes, and fill them with chopped celery, seasoned with mayonnaise dressing. You can, in fact, put any kind of salad in them you please. Serve them on leaves (white) of lettuce with cheese and crackers. Very fine.