COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

2685. No union should be undertaken until both of the contracting parties are fully acquainted with each other's disposition.

2686. If either man or woman are subject to indulge in any foible, or known vice, such as irritability, idleness, love of scandal, drunkenness, or worse, he or she should not marry till that vice is conquered.

2687. When before union there is an unreasonable, absurd, and romantic degree of affection, that marriage will probably be an unhappy one.

2688. When a woman knows a man to be addicted to any known self-indulgence, or to that which the world too frequently calls pleasure, she should discountenance him.

2689. Position in society is frequently reckoned as more than an equivalent for riches. Yet neither a wise man nor woman will seek to marry greatly out of their sphere of life.

2690. When you are going to marry, do not expect more from life than life will afford.

2691. For acquirements, look more to solid knowledge, either in wife or husband, than to accomplishments.

2692. When a young man admires a lady, and thinks her society necessary to his happiness, it is proper, before committing himself, or inducing the object of his admiration to do so, to apply to her parents or guardians for permission to address her; this is a becoming mark of respect, and the circumstances must be very peculiar, which would justify a deviation from this course.

2693. Young men frequently amuse themselves by playing with the feelings of young women. They visit them often, they walk with them, they pay them divers attentions, and after giving them an idea that they are attached to them, they either leave them, or, what is worse, never come to an explanation of their sentiments. This is to act the character of a "dangler," a character truly dastardly and infamous.

2694. In case of rejection, the gentleman should at once, unless under peculiar circumstances, abstain from his suit. Unless he does so, his conduct becomes persecuting.

2695. Ladies should never, by the slightest familiarity, encourage any one whom they would object to marry.

2696. Rejection should be courteous, definite, and decisive; but couched in a manner that, whilst it deprives the suitor of hope, inflicts no pain.

2697. Engaged people should avoid compliments in company.

2698. A proposal being made, the lady should first signify her own willingness, and then refer her suitor to her parents.

2699. In public, or in company, the conduct of lovers should be guarded. Avoid all show of extreme preference. Neither caress nor chide before others.

2700. Letters, trinkets, and presents, when engagements are broken off, are always returned by both parties.

2701. Long engagements are dangerous.

2702. If a gentleman does not intend to marry a lady, he has no right to make his attentions peculiar. He should consider her true interest, and he would not trifle with her affections.

2703. _Love's Telegraph._--If a gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the _first_ finger of the left hand; if he is engaged, he wears it on the _second_ finger; if married, on the _third_; and on the _fourth_, if he never intends to be married.

2704. When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or diamond on her _first_ finger; if engaged, on the _second_; if married, on the _third_; and on the _fourth_, if she intends to die a maid.

2705. When a gentleman presents a fan, flower, or trinket, to a lady with the _left_ hand, this on his part, is an overture of regard; should she receive it with the _left_ hand, it is considered as an acceptance of his esteem; but if with the _right_ hand, it is a refusal of the offer.

2706. Thus, by a few simple tokens, explained by rule, the passion of love is expressed: and, through the medium of the telegraph, the most timid and diffident man may, without difficulty, communicate his sentiments of regard to a lady, and in case his offer should be refused, avoid experiencing the mortification of an explicit refusal.

2707. _Marriage Ceremony._--Weddings are everywhere accompanied with some degree of ceremony, and are usually considered as occasions of festivity.

2708. The preliminaries having been arranged by the contracting parties, and the lady having named the happy day, preparations are made for the wedding.

2709. Those who belong to the Episcopal and Roman Catholic churches are usually married at church, in the morning, and by the prescribed forms.

2710. In some cases there is a wedding-party given in the evening; in others, the happy couple make a short wedding tour, and issue cards of invitation on their return.

2711. Where a wedding is celebrated in the usual forms, cards of invitation are issued at least a week beforehand.

2712. The hour selected is usually eight o'clock, P. M.

2713. Wedding cakes, wines, and other refreshments are provided by the bride and her friends for the occasion.

2714. The bride is usually dressed in pure white--she wears a white vail, and her head is crowned with a wreath of white flowers, usually artificial; and orange blossoms are preferred.

2715. She should wear no ornaments but such as her intended husband or her father may present her for the occasion--certainly no gift, if any such were retained, of any former sweetheart.

2716. The bridesmaid, or bridesmaids, if there be two, or more, are generally younger than the bride, and should also be dressed in white, but more simply.

2717. The bridegroom must be in full dress, that is, he must wear a dress coat, which if he pleases, may be faced with white satin; a white satin vest, black pantaloons, and dress boots or pumps, black silk stockings, and white kid gloves, and a white cravat.

2718. The bridegroom is attended by one or two, or more, groomsmen, who should be dressed in a similar manner.

2719. It is the duty of the bridesmaids to assist in dressing the bride, and making the necessary preparations for the entertainment of the guests.

2720. The chief groomsman engages the clergyman or magistrate, and upon his arrival introduces him to the bride and bridegroom, and the friends of the parties.

2721. The invited guests, upon their arrival, are received as at other parties, and after visiting the dressing-rooms, and arranging their toilettes, they proceed to the room where the ceremony is to be performed.

2722. In some cases the marriage is performed before the arrival of the guests.

2723. When the hour for the ceremony has arrived, and all things are ready, the wedding party, consisting of the happy couple, with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, walk into the room arm in arm.

2724. The groomsmen, each attending the bridesmaids, precede the bride and bridegroom, and take their position at the head of the room, which is usually the end furthest from the entrance; the bride standing facing the assembly on the left of the bridegroom--the bridesmaids taking their position at her left, and the groomsmen at the right of the bridegroom.

2725. The principal groomsman now formally introduces the clergyman or magistrate to the bride and bridegroom, and he proceeds to perform the marriage ceremony; if a ring is to be used, the bridegroom procures a plain gold one, previously taking some means to have it of the proper size.

2726. As soon as the ceremony is over, and the bridegroom has kissed the bride, the clergyman or magistrate shakes hands with the bride, saluting her by her newly-acquired name, as Mrs. ----, and wishes them joy, prosperity and happiness.

2727. Then the groomsmen and bridesmaids do the same; and then the principal groomsmen brings to them the other persons in the room, commencing with the parents and relatives of the parties, the bride's relatives having precedence, and ladies being accompanied by gentlemen.

2728. In this manner, all present are expected to make their salutations and congratulations, first to the newly-married couple, and then to their parents and friends.

2729. And where the wedding ceremony has been performed before the arrival of the guests, they are received near the door, having, of course, first visited the dressing-rooms, and are introduced in the same manner.

2730. The groomsman takes occasion, before the clergyman or magistrate leaves, to privately thank him for his attendance, at the same time placing in his hand the marriage fee, which is wrapped up nicely in paper, and if more than the legal sum, as is frequently the case where the parties are wealthy, it is usually in gold.

2731. The bridegroom, of course, takes an early opportunity to reimburse his groomsman for necessary expenses.

2732. When the presentations and congratulations are over, that is, when the guests have arrived, the bridal party, which till now has kept its position, mingles with the rest of the company, and joins in the dancing or other amusements.

2733. The practice of kissing the bride is not so common as formerly, and in regard to this, the taste of the bridegroom may be consulted, as the rest of the company follow the example of the groomsman; but the parents and very near relatives of the parties, of course, act as affection prompts them.

2734. When the ceremony is performed according to the Protestant Episcopal service, the order of going to church is as follows:

2735. The bride, accompanied by her _father_, not unfrequently her _mother_, and uniformly by a _bridesmaid_, occupies the _first carriage_.

2736. The father hands out the bride, and leads her to the altar, the mother and bridesmaid following. After them come the other bridesmaids, attended by the groomsmen, if there are more than one.

2737. _The bridegroom_ occupies the _last carriage_, with the principal groomsman, an intimate friend or brother.

2738. He follows, and stands facing the altar, with _the bride at his left hand_. The father places himself behind, with the mother, if she attends.

2739. _The chief bridesmaid_ occupies a place on the _left_ of the _bride_, to hold her gloves and handkerchief, and flowers; her _companions_ range themselves on _the left_.

2740. Remember to _take the ring with you_. The fee to a clergyman is according to the fortune of the bridegroom; and a trifle should be given to the sexton.

2741. When the ceremony is concluded, _the bride takes the groom's arm_, they enter their carriage, and proceed to the breakfast, every one else following.

2742. _The order of return from church_ differs from the above only in the fact that the bride and bridegroom now ride together, the bride being on his left, and a bridesmaid, and a groomsman, or the father of the bride, occupying the front seats of the carriage.

2743. _The wedding breakfast_ having been already prepared, the wedding party return thereto.

2744. If a large party, the bride and bridegroom occupy seats in the centre of the long table, and the two extremities should be presided over by elderly relatives, if possible one from each family.

2745. Every body should endeavor to make the occasion as happy as possible.

2746. After marriage, the bridal party usually travel for a week or two; upon their return, it is customary for the bride to be at home for a few days to receive visits. The first four weeks after marriage, constitute the honeymoon.

2747. You need not retain the whole of your previous acquaintance; those only to whom you send cards, are, after marriage, considered in the circle of your visiting acquaintance.

2748. The parents or friends of the bride usually send the cards to her connections; the bridegroom selects those persons among his former associates whom he wishes to retain as such.

2749. The cards are sometimes united by a silken cord, or white ribbon, to distinguish those of a newly married pair from ordinary visitors; but it is doubtful whether it be in good taste.

2750. A married woman may leave her own or her husband's card in returning a visit; the latter only would be adopted as a resource in the event of her not having her own with her.

2751. Cards should (if belonging to the gentleman) be plain, plainly written or printed, and unglazed and ungilt.

2752. Ladies should have their cards enameled, but, for obvious reasons, the name plain and distinct, so as to catch the eye at once.

2753. When a man marries, it is understood that all former acquaintanceship ends, unless he intimate a desire to renew it, by sending you his own and his wife's card, if near, or by letter, if distant.

2754. If this be neglected, be sure no further intercourse is desired.

2755. In the first place: A bachelor is seldom very particular in the selection of his companions. So long as he is amused, he will associate freely enough with those whose morals and habits would point them out as highly dangerous persons to introduce into the sanctity of domestic life.

2756. Secondly. A married man has the tastes of another to consult; and the friends of the husband may not be equally acceptable to the wife.

2757. Besides, newly-married people may wish to limit the circle of their friends, from commendable motives of economy.

2758. When a man first "_sets up_" in the world, the burden of an extensive and indiscriminate acquaintance may be felt in various ways.

2759. Many have had cause to regret the weakness of mind which allowed them to plunge into a vortex of gayety and expense they could ill afford, from which they have found it difficult to extricate themselves, and the effects of which have proved a serious evil to them in after life.

2760. When a man is about to be married, he usually gives a dinner to his bachelor friends; which is understood to be their congé unless he choose to renew their acquaintance.

2761. _Wedding-rings._--The custom of wearing wedding-rings appears to have taken its rise among the Romans.

2762. Before the celebration of their nuptials, there was a meeting of friends at the house of the lady's father to settle articles of the marriage contract, when it was agreed that the dowry should be paid down on the wedding-day or soon after.

2763. On this occasion, there was commonly a feast, at the conclusion of which the man gave to the woman as a pledge, a ring, which she put on the fourth finger of her left hand, _because it was believed that a nerve reached thence to the heart_, and a day was then named for the marriage.

2764. _Wedding cakes._--Four pounds of fine flour, well dried, four pounds of fresh butter, two pounds of loaf sugar, a quarter of a pound of mace pounded and sifted fine, the same of nutmegs.

2765. To every pound of flour add eight eggs; wash four pounds of currants; let them be well picked and dried before the fire; blanch a pound of sweet almonds, and cut them lengthwise very thin; a pound of citron, one pound of candied orange, the same of candied lemon; half a pint of brandy.

2766. When these are made ready, work the butter with your hand to a cream, then beat in your sugar, a quarter of an hour, beat the whites of your eggs to a very strong froth; mix them with your sugar and butter; beat your eggs half an hour at least, and mix them with your cake; then put in your flour, mace and nutmeg; keep beating it well till your oven is ready--pour in the brandy, and beat the currants and almonds lightly in.

2767. Tie three sheets of white paper round the bottom of your hoop to keep it from running out; rub it well with butter, put in your cake, lay the sweetmeats in layers, with cake between each layer, and after it is risen and colored, cover it with paper before your oven is stopped up; it will require three hours to bake properly.

2768. _Almond Icing for Wedding Cake._--Beat the whites of three eggs to a strong froth; beat a pint of Jordan almonds very fine with rose-water; mix them, with the eggs, lightly together; put in by degrees a pound of common loaf sugar in powder.

2769. When the cake is baked enough, take it out, and lay it on the icing; then put it in to brown.

2770. _After Marriage._--The power of a wife for good or evil, is irresistible. Home must be the seat of happiness, or it must be for ever unknown.

2771. A good wife is to a man, wisdom and courage, and strength and endurance.

2772. A bad wife is confusion, weakness, discomfiture, and despair.

2773. No condition is hopeless where the wife possesses firmness, decision, and economy.

2774. There is no outward prosperity which can counteract indolence, extravagance, and folly at home. No spirit can long endure bad domestic influence.

2775. Man is strong, but his heart is not adamant. He delights in enterprise and action; but to sustain him he needs a tranquil mind, and a whole heart. He needs his moral force in the conflicts of the world.

2776. To recover his equanimity and composure, home must be to him a place of repose, of peace, of cheerfulness, of comfort; and his soul renews its strength again, and goes forth with fresh vigor to encounter the labor and troubles of life.

2777. But if at home he finds no rest, and is there met with bad temper, sullenness, or gloom, or is assailed by discontent or complaint, hope vanishes, and he sinks into despair.

2778. A wife must learn, to form her husband's happiness, in what direction the secret lies; she must not cherish his weaknesses by working upon them; she must not rashly run counter to his prejudices; her motto must be, never to irritate.

2779. She must study never to draw largely on the small stock of patience in a man's nature, nor to increase his obstinacy by trying to drive him; never, never, if possible, to have scenes.

2780. We doubt much if a real quarrel, even made up, does not loosen the bond between man and wife, and sometimes, unless the affection of both be very sincere, lastingly.

2781. If irritation should occur, a woman must expect to hear from most men a strength and vehemence of language far more than the occasion requires. Mild, as well as stern men, are prone to this exaggeration of language; let not a woman be tempted to say any thing sarcastic or violent in retaliation. The bitterest repentance must needs follow if she do.

2782. Men frequently forget what they have said, but seldom what is uttered by their wives. They are grateful, too, for forbearance in such cases; for, whilst asserting most loudly that they are right, they are often conscious that they are wrong.

2783. Give a little time, as the greatest boon you can bestow, to the irritated feelings of your husband.

2784. It is astonishing how much the cheerfulness of a wife contributes to the happiness of home.

2785. She is the sun--the centre of a domestic system, and her children are like planets around her, reflecting her rays.

2786. How merry the little ones look when the mother is joyous and good-tempered; and how easily and pleasantly her household labors are overcome!

2787. _How to Treat a Wife._--First, get a wife; secondly, be patient.

2788. You may have great trials and perplexities in your business with the world, but do not carry to your home a clouded or contracted brow.

2789. Your wife may have had many trials, which, though of less magnitude, may have been as hard to bear.

2790. A kind, conciliating word, a tender look, will do wonders in chasing from her brow all clouds of gloom.

2791. You encounter difficulties in the open air, fanned by heaven's cool breezes; but your wife is often shut in from these healthful influences, and her health fails, and her spirits lose their elasticity.

2792. But oh! bear with her; she has trials and sorrows to which you are a stranger, but which your tenderness can deprive of all their anguish.

2793. Notice kindly her little attentions and efforts to promote your comfort.

2794. Do not treat her with indifference, if you would not sear and palsy her heart, which, watered by kindness, would, to the latest day of your existence, throb with sincere and constant affection.

2795. Sometimes yield your wishes to hers. She has preferences as strong as you, and it may be just as trying to yield her choice as to you.

2796. Do you find it hard to yield sometimes? Think you it is not difficult for her to give up always?

2797. If you never yield to her wishes, there is danger that she will think you are selfish, and care only for yourself, and with such feelings she can not love as she might.

2798. Again, show yourself manly, so that your wife can look up to you and feel that you will act nobly, and that she can confide in your judgment.

2799. You can hardly imagine how refreshing it is to occasionally call up the recollection of your courting days.

2800. How tediously the hours rolled away prior to the appointed time of meeting; how swift they seemed to fly, when met; how fond was the first greeting; how tender the last embrace; how fervent were your vows; how vivid your dreams of future happiness, when, returning to your home, you felt yourself secure in the confessed love of the object of your warm affections.

2801. Is your dream realized?--are you as happy as you expected?

2802. Why not? Consider whether as a husband you are as fervent and constant as you were when a lover.

2803. Remember that the wife's claims to your unremitting regard--great before marriage, are now exalted to a much higher degree.

2804. She has left the world for you--the home of her childhood, the fireside of her parents, their watchful care and sweet intercourse have all been yielded up for you.

2805. Look then most jealously upon all that may tend to attract you from home, and to weaken that union upon which your temporal happiness mainly depends; and believe that in the solemn relationship of husband is to be found one of the best guarantees for man's honor and happiness.

2806. When once a man has established a home, his most important duties have fairly begun.

2807. The errors of youth may be overlooked; want of purpose, and even of honor, in his earlier days, may be forgotten.

2808. But from the moment of his marriage he begins to write his indelible history; not by pen and ink, but by actions--by which he must ever afterward be reported and judged.

2809. His conduct at home; his solicitude for his family; the training of his children; his devotion to his wife; his regard for the interests of eternity, are his record.

2810. Seek to govern your own household by the display of high moral excellence.

2811. A domineering spirit--a fault-finding petulance--impatience of trifling delays--and the exhibition of unworthy passions at the slightest provocation, can add no laurel to your own "lordly" brow, impart no sweetness to home, and call forth no respect from those by whom you may be surrounded.

2812. It is one thing to be a _master_--another thing to be a _man_. The latter should be the husband's aspiration; for he who can not govern himself is ill-qualified to govern another.